ezura, asrul and jihan qaisara’s blog

it has been a while since i last pour some thoughts into this blog….lots of things had happened to us recently…..we are turning over a new leaf sempena tahun hirah yg baru menjelma….alhamdulillah…

since we finished our housemanship in HUKM, we had a tough journey out there…both of us were seperated for a while…asrul went to Hosp Sg Buloh and i went to Hosp Kajang…was quite distressing….after 2 weeks, both of us got transferred to Hosp Ampang….i thought that was very good indeed as it wasn’t far from home…but somehow, Allah menguji lagi..both of us have to go to Hosp Selayang for attachment as Ampang is not fully functional yet…

we spent nearly 3 mths in Selayang…we travel the whole way everyday…and yet we didnt know where is our destiny after this journey…so, we decided to act fast as to ascertain our own destiny by our own choice….we tried our luck applying as trainee lecturers in HUKM…me in family medicine and Asrul in microbiology….we made this choice bcoz we want to spend more time with each other and our children, if not now, later on….i cant afford to quit my job and become a full time housewife so this decision is wise….i need to struggle hard for these 4-5 years to obtain my masters degree and become a family physician and then i can at least settle down a bit…

alhamdulillah, i’m already in HUKM as trainee lecturer…currently based in PPP HUKM…8-5 job with 2-3x oncall per mth in ABC where sometimes there’s no patient at all…i’m still thinking when i should start my masters…kalau takda aral melintang, i can join this coming june….if not, june 2008….

asrul had already went to interview and just waiting for his offer letter…in the meanwhile he’s doing locum and being a good househusband, managing jihan very well….insya allah, he’ll be back employed soon….

our lovely jihan is doing so well now…growing up healthily and she is such a bright girl….

we have sacrificed ourselves for a better life….hopefully, our efforts will always be blessed by Allah swt…insya allah….

it has been ages since i last updated my blog…reason being, too bz and too malas….!!!hahaha…

well, when did i last stop updating myself in the blog?

anyway, im now on leave….yeah!!!2 weeks plus 9 days of unpaid leave…just malas nak sambung keja kat A&E sebelum report kat selangor 1st september nnt….so, i’m a full time housewife n mother….and kitorg belajo hidup sendiri kat our condo….asrul still working in A&E with flexible working hours…ikut shift….orait laaa kot…

seronok gak jadi housewife nih…penat layan anak….masak….laundry…rumah nak kemas….kejap jer laa tahan…the other minutes jihan dah start sepahkan balik….it’s fun although tiring….

oh yea, early august, we went to melaka for a family day, organized by my consultant, Mr ismail for the colorectal team….we stayed at d’nelayan beach resort at pengkalan balak….nice place…the beach was just a step from aour room…hehehhehe….jihan enjoyed herself very much…being the centre of attraction for being the only girl and the youngest in her age group….heheheh…anak2 doktor lain semua lelaki….masa tuh jihan baru bertatih2 nak jalan…bebudak lain dah jalan and lari…so, jihan mmg geram sgt2 sbb dia asyik jatuh jer bila jalan…it gave her the motivation to keep going…tough girl!

ptg jihan main dalam swimming pool yg comel….i forgot to pack her bikini so jihan terjun pakai dress dia….ekekekek….then pegi amik rambutan kat dusun mr ismail….abis kena gigit nyamuk gajah!

mlm pulak mkn sate, ikan bakar, sotong bakar and nasik lemak yg sedapppp!!!!….i ate a lot….jihan pun byk mkn ikan bakar…we really enjoyed the food…mr ismail n family cook themselves all the delicacies….

it was fun….thanks to mr ismail for inviting us (the only houseman yg pegi….my other colleague, hilya tak dpt pegi) yg lain2 tu MO, registrars and our specialist….seronok laa…kira mcm my last treat at hukm sbl habis HOship…asrul pun previously in the same team jgak…

lepas blk dari melaka, jihan terus dpt jalan…wah…!semakin rancak langkahnyer….asyik nak jalan jer skarang…kekekekek….

it has been a while since i updated last my blogs….mcm2 berlaku dlm hidup ini..chewahh….i celebrated my 26th birthday in 5th july….i was oncall that day though….my dear hubby gave me a pink fossil watch…nice one….sedar tak sedar i’ve  been married to my beloved hubby for 2 years….life is wonderful though sometimes ada laa jugak benda2 pahit masamnya… seronok lebih lagi ada jihan qaisara yg semakin nakal dan aktif dan lincah…mmg tak larat….

i’m finishing my surgical posting soon….i’m leaving HUKM soon.both of us got slangor tp tak tahu laa kat mana lagi….it has been nice working in hukm….dpt junior2 baru kerja..sronok gak dpt ajar diorg…at least dpt refresh sket ilmu2 yg dah terlupa tuh…

2 of my friends got married recently..congrats bushra n amin, rocell and haizal..cepat2 dpt babies….congrats elly dpt baby boy….i heard salfarina pun dpt baby girl…2nd baby…..

bila pulak my 2nd baby…?hahahha

not so soon…maybe when jihan can jaga diri sket…2008 kot…

jihan skarang very manja , not independant..i want to teach her to be independant but susah sket sbb my maid suka sgt manjakan dia…i want to teach her to feed on her own but my maid tuh nak cepat siap kasik dia mkn..tak nak dia kecah2….susah laa….nak kasik minum guna cawan pun my maid asyik sumbat air dlm botol lagi….bosan btul!

geram gak tp mls nak ckp byk sbb dia nih jenis melawan…hari tuh dah gaduh skali….rasa nak lempang jer muka dia…

hmmm…..that’s life

cannot always get what u always want….

well, it has been a while i have not written something in my blogs…so many thoughts to put in but no time laaa……anyway, surprised by the title of my blog???well, it’s not my mistakes anyway, just wanna share a story of my patient for our own benefits…

i was on call last sunday…a 21 yr old girl got admitted for severe epigastric pain..so we thought she had gastritis as well TRO acute pancreatitis….her epigastric was damn tender…she was treated conservatively with drips, NBM, analgesia and such….

the next day, consultant buat round, ordered for CT abdomen to look at the pancreas..puas laa pujuk radiologist mintak CT abdomen…tp dia kata buat ultrasound dulu laa….well takpe laa…

so, when i was in time to do my pm round, i got a call from the radiology dept…MO tuh tanyer ada buat UPT tak kat patient tu…i  kata takder…dia kata they found an intra uterine gestational sac within her….i was shocked..!!!she’s single, looked so innocent and so baik one….!from pious family…!nasib baik tak buat CT scan…radiation to the baby!!!

we referred her to O&G to do dating scan…it was about 9 weeks..the next day, when i was quite free i had a word with her…it was her boyfriend, known only for 6-7 mths…forced her for a sexual intercourse…only once! she never went out late with him but that night she didnt expect this to happen…she was so stressed out and suffered from abdominal pain and vomiting for the past 1 mth…she didnt know that she was pregnant coz she had irregular menses…she cried coz she felt humiliated and she didnt know how to tell her family…she needed a strong emotional and psychological support…i felt responsible as a doctor, as a friend and as a sister….i was symphatized and empatized with her….i referred her to social worker and psychiatrist…

she’s my patient…i saw her everyday and gave her some moral support by having a chat with her for a few minutes..yesterday, we managed to arrange a family session to reveal the truth about her…i wasnt there coz was bz attending an UGIB pt….yesterday, she developed RIF pain so she went in for a diagnostic laparoscopy and proceed..she had acute appendicitis…GA has high risk to the fetus…we still hope for the best…

she still wants to keep the baby…seems that the boyfren doesnt want to be responsible..mmg ada cakap nak responsible tp berdalih2 kata ada byk financial problems…that girl kata nak masuk pusat pemulihan and have time for herself and repent…i believed her that she was a good girl before…but this 1 big mistake has changed her label as that good girl…she’s relieved coz her family still accepting her but they were hurt…

i was never very much involved with my patient…but i have to in this case…it’s my responsibilities…i need to help her out coz i trust and believe her that she the one yg menjadi mangsa keadaan…i hope that she will go on and Allah will make everything easy for her…

alhamdulillah, my dear baby semakin sihat….on sunday, she still cry and refused her milk….still having high grade fever…so on monday, we brought her to see her paediatrician, prof rahmah…jihan kena bg sample urine and kena  amik darah….susah jugak nak buat jihan kencing…nasib baik tak lah lama sgt kami tunggu….the next day pulak kena amik darah…jihan nangis2 sampai tak kuar suara….siannnn jihan….jihan pun kena makan antibiotik…

lepas start on antibiotik, jihan semakin sihat….alhamdulillah…semlm, jihan sambut kepulangan kami dgn senyuman yg manis…..dah start nak main2 semula and dah start nakal semula…dia pun dah nak minum susu…mkn pun dah byk….

skarang jihan dah sihat, tp mama pulak yg sakit….mama masih demam on and off…papa amik darah mama td….all shows infective causes….hopefully, mama cepat baik and dpt main2 dgn jihan..sakrang nih mama tak boleh dekat2 dgn jihan sagt…nnt jihan sakit balik…..

it was only 1 week ago we celebrated mother’s day….and this week i am put to a test of my motherhood life….my baby jihan fell really sick….she started to have vomiting and fever….she had difficulty to sleep at night due to excessive mucus in her airway….her fever was constantly high….38.0 degrees…her flu and cough was simply terrible….

we brought her to A&E and was only given paracetamol and actifed…we thought that will cure her fast…but since yesterday, she started became more irritable…she refused her milk…but she took her porridge fairly well….she kept crying, i’m not sure whether she’s in pain or what….but at times she stop crying and sat down for a while and played with her toys…then she continued crying again….i’m really helpess now, not knowing how else to comfort her…

i hold her, pat her back, sing to her but nothing put her cry to stop…..ya Allah, please make my baby healthy again…i really miss her smile and laughter…please protect her from all danger….amin….

last night i was oncall…i cannot sleep at all after my hubby sms me that jihan had not stopped crying for almost 2 hours…..i wanted to be by her side at that time but i can’t…today my hubby is oncall….he has the same worry as i did last night…when he called just now, i cried coz i felt so helpless not knowing what to do….

happy mother’s day!!!yeah, the first in my life…last year, i got a few mother’s day wishes from my frens too, but at that time i was heavily pregnant with jihan (mom -to-be)…alhamdulillah..being a mom is tough after all….challenging, but i love it….there are times that i feel a lot stressed up coz my little baby is so nakal!!!!i’m so tired chasing her around, following her climbing up the stairs, wrestling with her while putting on her diapers or clothes….sometimes, i pity her…at times i wasn’t able to be with her, to comfort her when she was scared, to soothe her up when she was sick….but alhamdulillah, my baby jihan is not the type yg susah nak jaga…since she was a small baby, she rarely makes me having sleep deprivation at night coz she seldom woke me up in the middle of the night to breastfeed or change her nappy…she’s a good girl… i always miss her when i’m oncall….i miss her adorable smile and her smell..bucuk but i love it…..she has a lovely smile….the first thing she’ll do when she wakes up from sleep is smile…a sweet one….

i’m proud of myself that i successfully breastfeed jihan for 6mths+ exclusive tau!!!she never touches  formula milk at all…everything was from mama’s breast!…it was a real tough job…i had to kept on pumping my milk out at work, during oncalls, just to make sure my baby had sufficient expressed breastmilk…..our freezer was full of jihan’s "ice cream"..i really miss that moments…the bond between us was so strong…now, i tried a few times giving her my breast but she rejected it…uwaaaa….so sad laaaaa…

happy mother’s day to mak too…we became close after our maid of 15 years quit…our only maid was like a 2nd mom to us…anyway, at that time mak had to do everything by herself and at that time we had to help her out…our routine changed…no more goyang kaki…our relationship grew close when she was diagnosed to have lymphoma….she was a strong lady….i never see her cried or feeling depressed when she was down with her illness..she went thru 6 cycles of chemotherapy and alhamdulillah now she’s over with it…she is a hardworking lady, now a pengetua…she’s a supermom!

she was there when i i broke up with my boyfrens…ahahahhaha…let’s nature takes its course…tha’s her words to me when i was frustrated with my love life….ekkekekekeke…somehow, with her prayer, i met my wonderful husband now, asrul abdul wahab….

i owe her a lot….even though sometimes i’m quite annoying, i know that deep inside her she’s proud of me….without her i’m not as what i am today….i still need her to guide me thru my motherhood…

thanks mak…eventhough i didn’t prepare anything special for you today (post call yesterday), it’s the thought that counts….everyday is a mother’s day….

i got a surprise from my baby jihan and my hubby when i got back from oncall today…they made a multimedia presentation for mother’s day….thank you so much…muah!!!!!and jihan said a lot of mama..mama…rather than papa…papa…today….she also clinged a lot with me..as if she knnows that today is mother’s day…

1 week after our 2nd anniversary, my cousin got married for the 2nd time…congratulations…!!!we pray that this marriage will last forever and may both of you blessed with many children….:)…

it has been a tough life for her (my cousin)…her 1st marriage was very much controversial…she received so many threats from her manic ex-bf prior to her wedding day, but alhamdulillah the ceremony went well…at first, they seemed very happy together…the husband was very good, hormat org tua n stuffs…but then we heard that, she got beaten by the hot-tempered husband….!!!that was cruel….!she got beaten unnecessarily over small matters….then we heard she was divorced (well, got for her to get rid of that kind of man….) she has been single again for about 1 yr plus befor she got married again last weekend….luckily they wasnt blessed with any children with the previous marriage….

then, some time last week, we heard that norman hakim and abby abadi got divorced…they just got their 2nd baby, if i’m not mistaken it should be the same age as jihan….and today, they reconciled…

susah utk tafsirkan erti cinta….when we had our brunch with someone senior last week, it was a coincidence that asrul and i shared the same drink…our senior asked me, "tak minum air ke?"…so i cakap, "kitorg kongsi je"..wah…!masih romantik…!he admitted that only the 1st 6mths of his marriage that he still holds his wife’s hand….after that dah takde dah….dah ada anak lagi laa….

well, i admit that, me n asrul still act the same way as we did in the early days of our marriage….we still hold hands together when we go out….and we still suap each other makan even though kalau kat luar pun…i still act manja2 with him and he still layan me like before….even when jihan is in between us…Hheheehhe…..

i think marriage is just not about love…but it is also about sharing….sharing everything inside out with your only spouse…!we do sometimes had some disagreement but we settled it down well….

i always pray and hope that our marriage will last forever and our love will grow deeper wach day….

when i was oncall on 30/4/2006, i had an unstable patient in the ward…patient had upper GI bleed and presented with massive fresh malena…Hb was 7 so, we put her on 2 pints of packed cells….anyway, we (registrar, MO and me) planned for the patient to have her OGDS in the afternoon…so the oncall specialist was informed…to my surprise he refused to do scope on this patient….the reason being, she’s not her patient and the respected specialist (who is in terengganu) should come to do the scope for this patient….

well…we already sent the patient down to scope room….patient seems ok…but then at 10.30pm i was called by the nurses….patient’s BP unrecordable…!!!!!i rushed to the ward, found out the nurses was bagging the patient….sorry to say, the nurses in the surgery wards are not quite good with CPR…no cardiac monitoring was put on, patient was already pulseless but yet no CPR started….!when we put her on cardiac monitoring she was actually already asystole….my MO intubated her…

anyway, we started doing CPR on the patient…BP was still unrecordable…when the registrar came, he decided to give inotropes accordingly until maximum….we continuosly resuscitated the patient until about 1 hour…goshhhhh!!!!i was so damn tired…!it’s not that i didnt want to save the patient but just look at the patient herself…she’s old, 80+…had a huge bedsore, necrotic and foul smelling…with massive upper GI bleed…and sepsis….after 20 minutes resuscitated her BP was still unrecordable…later on BP was picked up due to inotropes effects…and we had to DC shock her twice coz she had 2 episodes of VT..!in conclusion, this patient had a bad prognosis…..what are we trying to achieve in this patient if we try to revive her..?

well, it’s a very hard decision to make….what will happen to her if we scope her in the beginning..?will her fate be different..?

today, i have another  patient upper GI bleed…again had massive fresh malena…due to multipel angiodysplasia….we planned for emergency operation today..extended hemicolectomy…family members were called…it took them 3 hours to decide….in the end, they decided not to operate on the mother…they said, they dont want their mother to suffer due to operation…let Allah take her peacefully….her cahnces are 50-50…if operated, she might die on table…if not she might die too…when i left at about 5.30, patient looked nazak…gasping and drowsy…i pray, may Allah decide what is best for her and that we all of us made the correct decision…

yeahhh!!!it’s our 2nd wedding anniversary today…!!what am i hoping for..?well…i dont really hope for any surprise from asrul bcoz i know that he was so bz that he didnt have time to prepare any surprises for me….he has done a lot as a husband, as a friend and as a dad to jihan…

2 days ago, he willingly took my oncall duty coz he pitied me that i had straight 3 every other day on call…dia kata dia tak kisah kalau dia oncall selang sehari…lagipun, i was sick at that time…yesterday both of us were on call…he was sooooooo bz and it was my duty to help him back…..

he has sacrificed a lot for me….cant imagine how my life would be if i’m not married to him….he is the only one i want to be with till the end of my life…

when we were just friends, i never thought he could be a  wonderful husband and a good friend to me…he was just a plain person….but after i got married to him, then i know he is actually a very lawak person…!i never get bored with all his lawak and he always like to kacau2 me and make me laugh….

when i was pregnant, he’s the one who took over the housechores…he helped me endlessly….even until now, he still help me with it despite his hectic schedules….

life has been wonderful with him…and with our adorable Jihan Qaisara…

we didnt plan for any big celebration today sbb baru lepas oncall…but i have bought something for him…..maybe next week we’ll have something good to do…not oncall on weekend..!

i love u asrul….